after a long hiatus and a lot of living life, i've decided to try blogging again. new layout and materials coming soon! in the meantime, YAY, FALL/WINTER! best fashion season.

black&blue

at my friend julie's a few weeks ago..

in ny i find it harder to let go of bad feelings. this place just feels a little strange that way.
i saw my father last week. four of his painting restorations are hanging in the permanent collection at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. i'm proud.
i asked his advice about men. he had none to give me.

the past 4 months in nyc have been so blurry. the fog has been lifting.

externally, life is pretty good. internally, i'm having a really hard time with myself. no one can help me get out of this funk but me. shit.

nico is the best

PHI see through mesh mini dress

for the first time today, i walked around manhattan listening to the beatles and finally "got it". so am i officially a douchebag now or does this make me even cooler?

drunk in dirty jerz

i miss my life when i lived on east 57th st. i love my new apartment but every experience since living here is now ingrained into the floor, the walls, the bedsheets, the bath.

mein kampf

i am so grateful for life. being grateful for life lets me see and feel things in ways unimaginable. i can literally get high off living. a lot of things get me pissed off and angry. i can be self-absorbed, i can be jealous, insecure, i can be cold, i can be stand offish and greedy. i can be childish and mean. where am i going with this?...
i'm still in love with life and try being the best person i can be.
try to figure my way out from the bottom up.
...like trapped lions in cages. they feed you ok at the zoo.
i wanted to exit.
it's ridiculous how people read books or watch movies to feel the kind of shit they could be feeling in their daily lives right now.
i'm proud of who i've become i could never sit there feeling bad or regretting anything because everyone should have that chance to fight for their life in order to realize that life is worth fighting for. sometimes it's self-inflicted and sometimes it's circumstantial. but thank the LORD for overcome troubles.

last night i was in coney island eating fries at nathans in the pitch darkness and cold.

MOVING VIA MOM'S BF'S LIMO



NEW APT IN MANHATTAN (snippets. its not all ready yet)

in da new puffah coat. i'm trying to convince my mom to let me use her barney's rewards points to buy this moncler coat too:
http://www.barneys.com/Passy%20Coat/500324217,default,pd.html
i already tried it on and it looked REALLY great, especially in that caramel color!
also saw some fine winter boots that i'd like to get as well.

i'm going to be moving into my new apartment which borders on soho, but it is the lower east side/chinatown. i really love it and will post photos once i begin to pull the decor together.

gearing up for new york city winter wonderland. i miss los angeles and remember it fondly, but i'm giving new york a chance. it has an energy that revives me. i want to write a warm homage to LA, with its tudor homes and woodland hill fairytale witch houses up winding roads, its mythical people and its mystical beaches at night. i'll always remember its kind indifference and the way i floated through its warm summery nights all throughout the year. i will remember discovering what i was really made of out there, meeting some wonderful people out there, and living in happy magic. i've had some perfect moments on the west coast. i was able to find my balls while held in a warm embrace. that sounds funny but it's a good way of describing it; i was able to be brave and the risk always seemed worthwhile. i never felt like i failed in los angeles. i miss you greatly.

Wolford thick tights, tokio 7 cashmere shorts, vintage dior top

jodphur pants by The Row, proenza schouler cashmere cardigan, rick owens top, thomas wylde boots (my loves)

rick owens black top under marc jacobs collection berry velvet dress



amazing, amazing too much going on in life to even sit & write about it all

michael and his brother came to manhattan to spend the day with me. we had a great time. we ate at some strange little clockwork orange type restaurant in the west village and sat inside of a birdcage. i met mike's brother, john, who was very sweet. we had dessert drinks at yaffa cafe in the east village and walked around a lot. i showed them both this apartment and we hung out here for a while. everything was fun except for the dramatic ending at Penn station. i am such a spazz...um... to put it lightly.
i find it hard to sleep these days. i drink dunkin donuts cappucinos at 3am and i never want to sleep. i just e-mailed this guy i met at my friend's dinner party about contacting his agent [he's an actor who does steady commercial work and he said he would hook me up with a meeting] tomorrow i will:
-find a gym
-look up acting classes [both long and short term]
-go to chanel and have them sew a sequin back onto my purse/ maybe find gloves?
-go to duane reade and buy a small sewing kit
-maybe go to my mom's and pick up my balenciaga jacket/ maybe her barney's card as well. i could use some retail therapy
-take a look at my resume
-go to apple store and have them fix my macbook's dvd player

tuesday i wanna go to the MET and or pick up michael in new jersey and either hang out with him there or invite him to the museum