
((WEARING))
Rick Owens dressLast night I struggled with the most intense acting class of my life. We were asked to go to the darkest of places and do exersises with a partner based on either having been stabbed or raped. I did not think I had the energy to go there yesterday, but I did. In fact, i wound up immersing myself so much in my role, I don't even know where it all came from. It was as if my whole being took on a life of its own. The first thing I did was change into old, worn pajamas. Then I went to bury my head underneath the faucet and soak all my hair in water. Then I doused my body in Gin. Then I placed stage blood on certain areas of my face and hands in subtle ways, so as to make it look like the cuts were still deep enough that even after a shower, I was still bleeding and did not realize it.
I went to prepare emotionally backstage as my partner was helping place my props out on the stage for me.
Once I actually came out on the stage I became rather naked and hysterical (in my own personal way. The way I respond to trauma may be different than the way someone else would). My partner played my friend who had just come home to see me in that condition.
There was a moment when we both hugged each other and began sobbing hysterically on the bed. I also remember wanting her to leave me alone and hiding underneath a chair.
It was so intensely awful that even once the scene was over, I couldn't shake it off and I went to bed last night very traumatized and upset.
I'm still a bit shaken up.
To say I'm the only one would be unfair. Every one of my classmates last night gave it their all and from the first scene to the last scene I sat in the audience frightened, terrified, and depressed at their behaviour. (One talented guy did a scene where both his eyes had been cut out and came into the room with his eye sockets bleeding.)
Bill asked if we wanted to go for round 2 this Thursday. Everyone (hesitantly) responded yes.