nymph & cloud

2011-09-23T22:00:00.000-07:00

after a long hiatus and a lot of living life, i've decided to try blogging again. new layout and materials coming soon! in the meantime, YAY, FALL/WINTER! best fashion season.

2010-05-25T10:55:00.000-07:00

black&blue

2010-04-19T05:50:00.000-07:00

at my friend julie's a few weeks ago..

in ny i find it harder to let go of bad feelings. this place just feels a little strange that way.
i saw my father last week. four of his painting restorations are hanging in the permanent collection at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. i'm proud.
i asked his advice about men. he had none to give me.

2010-04-05T20:34:00.000-07:00

the past 4 months in nyc have been so blurry. the fog has been lifting.

2010-02-21T10:08:00.000-08:00

externally, life is pretty good. internally, i'm having a really hard time with myself. no one can help me get out of this funk but me. shit.

nico is the best

2010-02-06T21:59:00.000-08:00

2010-02-02T00:08:00.000-08:00

PHI see through mesh mini dress

for the first time today, i walked around manhattan listening to the beatles and finally "got it". so am i officially a douchebag now or does this make me even cooler?

2010-01-24T22:42:00.000-08:00

drunk in dirty jerz

2010-01-18T23:06:00.000-08:00

i miss my life when i lived on east 57th st. i love my new apartment but every experience since living here is now ingrained into the floor, the walls, the bedsheets, the bath.

mein kampf

2010-01-12T20:54:00.000-08:00

i am so grateful for life. being grateful for life lets me see and feel things in ways unimaginable. i can literally get high off living. a lot of things get me pissed off and angry. i can be self-absorbed, i can be jealous, insecure, i can be cold, i can be stand offish and greedy. i can be childish and mean. where am i going with this?...
i'm still in love with life and try being the best person i can be.
try to figure my way out from the bottom up.
...like trapped lions in cages. they feed you ok at the zoo.
i wanted to exit.
it's ridiculous how people read books or watch movies to feel the kind of shit they could be feeling in their daily lives right now.
i'm proud of who i've become i could never sit there feeling bad or regretting anything because everyone should have that chance to fight for their life in order to realize that life is worth fighting for. sometimes it's self-inflicted and sometimes it's circumstantial. but thank the LORD for overcome troubles.

2010-01-09T13:32:00.000-08:00

last night i was in coney island eating fries at nathans in the pitch darkness and cold.

2009-12-27T22:24:00.000-08:00

MOVING VIA MOM'S BF'S LIMO

NEW APT IN MANHATTAN (snippets. its not all ready yet)

2009-12-18T19:01:00.000-08:00

in da new puffah coat. i'm trying to convince my mom to let me use her barney's rewards points to buy this moncler coat too:
http://www.barneys.com/Passy%20Coat/500324217,default,pd.html
i already tried it on and it looked REALLY great, especially in that caramel color!
also saw some fine winter boots that i'd like to get as well.

i'm going to be moving into my new apartment which borders on soho, but it is the lower east side/chinatown. i really love it and will post photos once i begin to pull the decor together.

2009-12-12T21:52:00.000-08:00

gearing up for new york city winter wonderland. i miss los angeles and remember it fondly, but i'm giving new york a chance. it has an energy that revives me. i want to write a warm homage to LA, with its tudor homes and woodland hill fairytale witch houses up winding roads, its mythical people and its mystical beaches at night. i'll always remember its kind indifference and the way i floated through its warm summery nights all throughout the year. i will remember discovering what i was really made of out there, meeting some wonderful people out there, and living in happy magic. i've had some perfect moments on the west coast. i was able to find my balls while held in a warm embrace. that sounds funny but it's a good way of describing it; i was able to be brave and the risk always seemed worthwhile. i never felt like i failed in los angeles. i miss you greatly.

2009-12-08T23:37:00.000-08:00

Wolford thick tights, tokio 7 cashmere shorts, vintage dior top

jodphur pants by The Row, proenza schouler cashmere cardigan, rick owens top, thomas wylde boots (my loves)

rick owens black top under marc jacobs collection berry velvet dress

amazing, amazing too much going on in life to even sit & write about it all

2009-11-30T00:39:00.001-08:00

michael and his brother came to manhattan to spend the day with me. we had a great time. we ate at some strange little clockwork orange type restaurant in the west village and sat inside of a birdcage. i met mike's brother, john, who was very sweet. we had dessert drinks at yaffa cafe in the east village and walked around a lot. i showed them both this apartment and we hung out here for a while. everything was fun except for the dramatic ending at Penn station. i am such a spazz...um... to put it lightly.
i find it hard to sleep these days. i drink dunkin donuts cappucinos at 3am and i never want to sleep. i just e-mailed this guy i met at my friend's dinner party about contacting his agent [he's an actor who does steady commercial work and he said he would hook me up with a meeting] tomorrow i will:
-find a gym
-look up acting classes [both long and short term]
-go to chanel and have them sew a sequin back onto my purse/ maybe find gloves?
-go to duane reade and buy a small sewing kit
-maybe go to my mom's and pick up my balenciaga jacket/ maybe her barney's card as well. i could use some retail therapy
-take a look at my resume
-go to apple store and have them fix my macbook's dvd player

tuesday i wanna go to the MET and or pick up michael in new jersey and either hang out with him there or invite him to the museum

2009-11-28T19:44:00.000-08:00

from red to black again:

_______________________________

tiny tidbit of closet
men's pajamas

2009-11-27T01:28:00.000-08:00

these are just a few shots of the new apartment. once i actually finalize purchasing it, it's going to be completely gutted and renovated. i want glossy ebony hardwood floors, rich shades of purple on the walls, maybe wallpaper, maybe wainscotting...an area rug, take down the wall unit and of course, buy all new furniture. the views of the city are beautiful. so very old school sleazy 70s/80s glam new york. i believe andy warhol used to live on this street. im near the russian tea room, carnegie hall, chanel, fao schwarz, and the petrossian restaurant, as well as bergdorf goodman and central park. so much loveliness. i can't wait to hang the chandelier and sign on the dotted line for this adorable one bedroom co-op. i hope my mother's friend lets me keep some of the artwork. he's got an original haring hanging by the little office desk!
...that last photo is of me in the back of a limo riding through the battery tunnel on the way to a friends dinner party in brooklyn. i like it because i look exactly like how i was feeling at that moment. slightly shell-shocked...

2009-11-24T23:42:00.001-08:00

so i fell in love with a handsome italian, and he fell in love with me...
i lived with him for a month and we spent practically every moment together
every moment was magic.
our union has been blessed by all who know us, even a very flattering jon voight, who approached us with lovely compliments in beverly hills one evening
i am currently in nyc, about to move into an apartment near bergdorf goodman and central park (!!)
i am really loving my life right now but miss the italian terribly, although he will be in new jersey visiting family for the thanksgiving holiday beginning tomorrow. for actual thanksgiving, i will be having an early dinner with my mother and her boyfriend (lobster...we aren't very traditional in this house), and then i will be at a friend's dinner party in brooklyn. perhaps in the morning i will meet with hannah and go with her to the thanksgiving day parade.

2009-10-27T02:38:00.001-07:00

adorable wool and cashmere Marc Jacobs Collection sweater
Burberry boots
Converse grayish sequin low tops

i don't really understand this look other than i'm trying to bring some cheer to winter in NYC...haha

2009-10-13T20:44:00.000-07:00

so i technically moved to nyc, left the car with friends of my mothers who have extra space in their garage, flew back to los angeles for knee surgery and am currently recuperating. i am walking TONS and have been going to the movies, seeing friends and lovers, and just trying to rest up before i hit the ground running in new york. i've been daydreaming of my clothes i shipped off to my mother's and remembered this dress by Chloe.

i cannot tell you how great this dress is & how much it suits me. it was a good buy and i plan on wearing it in NYC with last season's Chloe floral tights and this season's new Chloe heeled motorcycle boots.
i guess i'm playing dress-up in my head, but it's the only way i can satisfy myself being so far away from 99% of my clothes. oh, that and i saw The September Issue today and must say it was the perfect rainy day documentary to watch by yourself with nothing but a london fog tea latte in your hand and a hooded sweatshirt with the hood on your head.
anna wintour's daughter bee is SO pretty! i cant believe i just realized this.

what are you daydreaming about wearing for fall/winter?
what fragrances are you loving lately? i've been wearing Chloe a lot. you know, i totally fell out of love with Chloe since the new designer took over..i think it was spring/summer 2009? the last collection i adored was f/w 2008/09. anyway, for someone out of love with new chloe, im crushing pretty hardcore on old chloe.

cold cheer, new york style

2009-10-10T22:13:00.000-07:00

i have more
louis vuitton runway skirt [from the richard prince collection) with sequins and tulle and silk and studded embroidery in candy colours, paired with louis vuitton floral ball necklace and a 1) silk prada white label pajama top or 2) jil sander gray cashmere sweater
both look so cute and funky on. the skirt is really killer amazing. i tried it on with my nude catsuit and the flesh tone went so well with it i think it ought to be paired only with opaque nude tones and very funky shoes. the skirt is surprisingly versatile too. to winterize this look for NY weather, im thinking my maison martin margiela gradient cowboy booties, nude wool tights, perhaps patterned, or maybe even my sparkly floral chloe tights depending on the top, the prada top, the vuitton ball necklace to tie it all together, and add a gray short cardigan on top for warmth. funky for sure but definitely cheerful for those days my mostly black and jewel tone dark closet staples just wont cut it.

2009-10-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

currently recovering from knee surgery @ my aunt's house in LA near the old Charlie Chaplin mansion. nude catsuit, new bordeaux floppy felt hat, louis vuitton tulle & sequin runway skirt from the richard prince collection (!), the majority of the rest are photos from my wonderful cross country road trip. my favorite state was Tennessee, where i hung out in a tiny witch shoppe in the backwoods for nearly 4 hours.

2009-09-05T16:30:00.001-07:00

this is me couch surfing at a friends house (i'm homeless at the moment. next week my friend michael is coming out to LA and we are driving my benz cross country to NY.)
the pic seems very lara flynn boyle circa twin peaks to me, no?

can't wait to purchase this shirt, but not until NYC. will buy it from the madison ave. store. :)

i went to TARGET today to buy a travel toothbrush and wound up buying some tie dye tank top with a peace sign on it that's long enough to be a mini dress. i thought it would go well with the road trip aesthetic. kind of honky tonk hippy witch kelly bundy. my life is really weird

2009-09-03T11:41:00.000-07:00

long time, all!
in short:
-moving back to nyc this month
-been going on lots of adventures including skinny dipping at 4am in church pools with handsome italian boys and dancing and kissing midwestern boys young enough to be my little brother <3
-chicago was awesome
-been buying lots of lingerie and "lingerie clothes" from kiki de montparnasse & agent provocateur. i'd go in there once a day for about a week & a half straight for a while
-IV injections of iron for my terrible anemia
-way, way too much to write about here...

fashion wise im looking forward to mohair and plaid cashmere by The Row, som new jil sander boots and a minimalist apartment in manhattan supplemented with fashion district discarded supplies, like clothing racks and fabric swatches big enough to quilt a couch. i wonder if my mom is still goig to be so quick and excited to take me lunching at the rotunda since im not just visiting. or will it be home cooking?

2009-07-06T00:19:00.000-07:00

anna sui maroon slip dress
elizabeth & james grey top
**************************

a teeny tiny snippet of the past few weeks

2009-06-25T00:08:00.000-07:00

beautiful boy, bizarre behaviour, friends, swing sets in parks, wolves in parks watching them howl together, new york bliss, 1am rollerskating to industrial music with goths, making friends on airplanes, being swept off my feet, shellac concert, party in the hollywood hills with the cheesiest people ever, but jesus was there, mexican food in echo park, watching many roseanne re-runs, going back to new york again next week, going through a great depression and still trying to figure it all out, popping my cherry at opening ceremony in nyc, rainy romance, crying in acting class to my buddies, doing a terribly shitty job and then doing well, learning patience and restraint and faith and hating the lows, etc etc etc. it's no wonder i havent devoted any time to the blog. i hope it continues (except for the crazy mood swings..i hope that stops and that i grow up a bit.)

....And the WINNER is.....

2009-06-24T13:40:00.000-07:00

The winner of the Elizabeth & James Grey Deconstructed Tee contest sponsored by chickdowntown.com is::::

DIANE (ONCHINO)

please respond to this post with your e-mail address and i'll pass along your info to the girls @ the website.

Thanks for playing!!

2009-06-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

I know I've been MIA recently, and I will be back soon. Life has been keeping me very occupied lately!
In the meantime, I've found out about this cool new website called chickdowntown.com and I've partnered up with them to host a contest as a treat to all of you! You all have the chance to win a Grey Deconstructed Tee seen here:

(a wardrobe staple I am coveting- think Basquiat) by the Olsen's amazing line, Elizabeth and James and compliments of chickdowntown.com. Be sure to check out their website for more Elizabeth and James clothing and designer dresses. Some of my favourites include most of the MQ Alexander McQueen dresses for a fun print and an edgy silhouette perfect for Summer and versatile enough to incorporate into Fall, the always in style flappery Alice + Olivia feather skirt dress, and the Gryphon sequin tunic for casual glamour. (I'd probably even layer the grey deconstructed tee over the dress)

(The winner will be chosen by me and will be the one with the wittiest comment to this post. I'll give you guys a few days :)

chickdowntown.com on Twitter
chickdowntown.com on Facebook Fan page
(follow chickdowntown.com on the following sites to ensure the inside scoop on all new arrivals, sales and offering giveaways.)

2009-06-01T11:37:00.001-07:00

i was at a party at a church in the skid row area on saturday night. it was extremely surreal. 1920s flapper outfits, banjos, barbeque's at 2am in the smoking area, reggae music, 80s revenge of the nerds disco lights, nerds dancing, my pale face/black hair + my rainbow brite coloured striped little boys sweater with black swiss dot sleeves, getting hit on by all the WASPy chaps i ran into at the party (Laura and I don't really understand this), a barnyard ladder climb, photos & more photos by photographers, dancing (but not enough!), silent films on the wall, and walking through skid row by ourselves at 3am, amidst tents(!!) of homeless people...for about ten blocks. the stench of garbage, shit and piss. did i mention that just maybe 8 hours prior we had been dining at the Polo Lounge at The Beverly Hills Hotel? i had a tiny $6 latte, the McCarthy salad and potato leek soup. it was delicious.

2009-05-30T22:34:00.000-07:00

At the David Lynch art reception at the Michael Kohen gallery. The exhibition is aptly titled, "Dark Night of the Soul". The photography was amazing.
My photo was snapped several times by a Japanese photographer. And Laura was approached by a photographer. I enjoyed the crowd..lots of oddballs like myself. Lynch did not show but I'm confident I'll get a chance to shake hands with him one day soon. He seems to hang out around the theatre district where I attend the studio...

In love news, someone I was pining over months ago who disappeared on me suddenly contacted me out of the blue (5 months later) and is now ready to date me. I thought I was dreaming.
I don't think I am interested anymore. I have mourned and healed and moved on. But the LORD sure does work in mysterious ways...

Then there's some boarding school young boy of 23 who works for a producer who keeps contacting me after we kissed at a gothic nightclub where he stood out like a sore thumb (polo shirt and izod sweater anyone?) he keeps texting me and invited me bowling.

Then there are the two boys from my youth who I'm hoping to see again in NYC in a couple of weeks. One is on a cruise right now and the other is the sweetest guy ever.
It is so nice to like more than one person at one time. What a relief not to get caught up in any one individual.
Until the right one proves themselves to me, it is wonderful to just sit back and relax and let them come into my life.

2009-05-26T10:14:00.000-07:00

((WEARING))
Rick Owens dress

Last night I struggled with the most intense acting class of my life. We were asked to go to the darkest of places and do exersises with a partner based on either having been stabbed or raped. I did not think I had the energy to go there yesterday, but I did. In fact, i wound up immersing myself so much in my role, I don't even know where it all came from. It was as if my whole being took on a life of its own. The first thing I did was change into old, worn pajamas. Then I went to bury my head underneath the faucet and soak all my hair in water. Then I doused my body in Gin. Then I placed stage blood on certain areas of my face and hands in subtle ways, so as to make it look like the cuts were still deep enough that even after a shower, I was still bleeding and did not realize it.
I went to prepare emotionally backstage as my partner was helping place my props out on the stage for me.
Once I actually came out on the stage I became rather naked and hysterical (in my own personal way. The way I respond to trauma may be different than the way someone else would). My partner played my friend who had just come home to see me in that condition.
There was a moment when we both hugged each other and began sobbing hysterically on the bed. I also remember wanting her to leave me alone and hiding underneath a chair.
It was so intensely awful that even once the scene was over, I couldn't shake it off and I went to bed last night very traumatized and upset.
I'm still a bit shaken up.
To say I'm the only one would be unfair. Every one of my classmates last night gave it their all and from the first scene to the last scene I sat in the audience frightened, terrified, and depressed at their behaviour. (One talented guy did a scene where both his eyes had been cut out and came into the room with his eye sockets bleeding.)

Bill asked if we wanted to go for round 2 this Thursday. Everyone (hesitantly) responded yes.

2009-05-23T13:50:00.000-07:00

staying alive pose?

before heading out last night in Chloe & Demeulemeester

indifference, the plague that moves throughout this land

2009-05-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

what a hideous picture that second one is! haha
((Wearing))
Ivan Grundahl swiss dot leggings
Proenza Schouler cashmere cardigan dress
red t-shirt from a red-carpet event gift bag that Laura got me.
She's been attending all these fancy shindigs while I've been working hard at the acting studio and she is sweet to always bring home bags of goodies from the parties. Once she brought home a beautiful bouquet of white roses and lilies!

2009-05-21T14:55:00.001-07:00

What an amazing concert! Laura and Carlos and I drove over to Zoe's house to meet up with her and Jamie. Zoe drove us in her Jeep down to Irvine to see Nine Inch Nails (tickets and vip guest passes above courtesy of Trent Reznor himself a la Laura) and JANE'S ADDICTION!! After a road trip rest stop somewhere in the middle of nowehere, we finally get to our destination and it was just gorgeous. The surrounding area of the venue reminded me of the country and of old western movies simultaneously. We spent the majourity of NIN's performance backstage with the likes of Dave Navarro and his sexy little groupies. Once Jane's motherfucking Addiction came on we went out to our seats and I danced so much I nearly fell off the bleachers. It was majikal, spiritual, sensual, amazing (Carlos mentioned he got a hard on during the set haha). I was in bliss. Perry Farrell is pretty hilarious too.
Backstage again, we got free In-N-Out courtesy of the bands and roadies. They had other catering as well, but in the spirit of rock n roll, I got myself a cheeseburger animal style wrapped in lettuce instead of a bun and a big cup of water.
We saw pretty much every member of each band except for Trent, who I actually was hoping to meet because I wanted to thank him for his generousity, but alas we find out from his friend that he left right after his performance and didn't wait around at all. (NIN went on first, then JA).

Afterwards we had this long walk ahead of us to the parking lot but we all got picked up and driven by this guy on a golf cart with what can best be described as a pick-up truck like backseat and so we all climbed on and held on for dear life as he whizzed us by the crowds via a dirt road and it was so funny and awesome I felt like a kid in the country again.

It was a great show.

Speaking of being a kid in the country- I've recently reconnected with this boy I grew up with during my summers in Upstate, New York. He was a big dork and grew up to be a big dork but he's also very sweet and very cute and we seem to have a lot in common aside from our pasts.
He told me recently that he visited our old little town several years ago with his father and that he stayed in my old house while he was up there.
The fact that he did this really struck me for some reason. I want to meet up with him when I get into NY next month.

the oddest post ever

2009-05-20T01:50:00.000-07:00

THIS PHOTO IS FUCKING HAUNTED. It really REALLY freaks me out to look at it. DO YOU SEE THAT FACE HIDING IN MY MOHAIR PILLOW??

in other news, i have black and nude heart tights from England.

2009-05-16T23:19:00.001-07:00

There is no better movie-going experience than seeing Fellini's Toby Dammit/ Spirits of the Dead in a theatre amongst other art fans!!

also wonderful was the german silent porno from the 20's called BLACK MASS
as well as The Invocation of My Demon Brother by Kenneth Anger

i wore my cowboy boots for this surrealist occasion.

2009-05-15T13:34:00.001-07:00

j: People are more shocked when people find them interesting, and act with defensive modes, mostly because they don't believe they could be interesting, I think.

moi: i suppose it's about the pressure to live up to that. like, if someone finds you interesting you must now entertain them.
don't they know that all you need to do is to continue being yourself and just enjoy that someone was brave enough to mention they appreciate you as you are, just moving through your life.

you dont talk about a pretty sunset expecting it to suddenly start exploding in fireworks. you are just happy to watch the sunset as it is.

2009-05-14T13:05:00.001-07:00

Häxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages
Last night my date and I went to The Hammer Museum to be inspired by this wonderful 7-chapter Swedish silent documentary film from the 1920's about Witches. All About Witches, actually. From their Sabbath's to their mating rituals with the Devil, to witch-hunts, tortures and persecutions. It was utterly fascinating and the cinematography was art in movement. The biggest treat was the accompaniment of LIVE music by Eddie Ruscha, a.k.a The Secret Circuit. The beats were deep and dark and dub. Perfection. I felt every vein pumping through blood in my body.
I usually do not find it fulfilling to sit and "watch" anything, but I was wholeheartedly inspired and loved every moment. If you are in Los Angeles and they will be showing it again (curated by Francesca Gabbiani), I urge you to go see.

2009-05-13T14:55:00.001-07:00

wish i was home right now..drifting off into sleep while watching older movies like Mommy Dearest or Blue Velvet or Nosferatu with Isabelle Adjani & Klaus Kinski.

or reading the latest issues of Lula and Jalouse that i bought today at Barnes & Noble (along with some soup and a skinny non-fat caramel latte)

2009-05-12T13:18:00.000-07:00

FINALLY got the Margiela cowboy boots! They look so cool. Especially worn with BLACK. Watch out Sailor and Lula....!!

I took a picture of myself in the elevator at Barney's..and pictures of the boots in the passenger seat of my car...because when I actually take photos, it gets no dorkier than the way I take them.

2009-05-11T16:30:00.001-07:00

acting is so difficult. you get a love scene and you pray for a partner who you find even the least bit attractive so that you can find some believable niche to play off them, and when you actually get that, you run the risk of falling in love with a fantasy.
i was so afraid to read the play because i knew i'd love it so much. i found myself squealing with delight while reading it. it was a quick read- flew by. i even carried the play into the restroom with me because i couldn't stand to put it down.
i love my character and every single one of the characters.
this is quite dangerous and fantastic.
i even met with my partner at 7am this morning at the studio, before work, so that we could rehearse. i would never have gotten up this early on a monday morning after going to sleep at 2am for anything else.

tomorrow i'm finally going to try on and likely buy those damn margiela cowboy boots! next step- finally go to my car dealer to get the car detailed like i'd been meaning to do for the past month. my whole knee surgery really threw me off for a while there.

bang bang my baby shot me down

2009-05-08T12:38:00.001-07:00

((WEARING))
black chiffon Kiki de Montparnasse top
multicoloured hooded silk Balenciaga robe/ dress
black Chloe cotes de sole brodees victorian leggings
black Chloe studded ankle boots
machina bra by Agent Provocateur

2009-05-06T12:09:00.000-07:00

[1] What are your current obsessions?
leather jackets and lingerie, Maison Martin Margiela gradient cowboy boots a la Wild At Heart (they will be mine soon- I haven't even gotten around to trying them on yet!), carb-lite frozen yogurt with coconut shavings, serpent anything, black hair/ pale skin, "vintage" ice cream striped light cashmere sweaters by marc jacobs collection

[2] What is your weirdest obsession?
black Djarum's because they are bad for me

[3] What are you wearing today?
oversized heather gray Chloe sweater with a jeweled button over a floral Moschino dress and black leather Lanvin flats

[4] What’s for dinner today?
perhaps Japanese cuisine?! Perhaps Vegan?!

[5] Why is today special?
Because May 6th, 2009 will never, ever happen again, EVER.

[6] What would you like to learn to do?
Relax under pressure

[7] What’s the last thing you bought?
A Marc Jacobs Collection summer slip dress

[8] What are you listening to right now?
Incessant rambling. I will put some music on soon. When I do, it will likely be Emil Gilels to soothe me.

[9] What is your favorite type of weather?
Dark grey clouds in the morning and afternoon, brisk air (but not too cold), no wind, perhaps maybe a slight breeze, dewy rain. lush and cozy. perfect for staying in and drinking warm drinks. i like to call it "masterpiece theatre weather"

[10] What is your most challenging goal right now?
Remaining focused

[11] What do you think about the person who tagged you?
N/A

[12] If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Paris, France

[13] What would you like to have in your hands right now?
a baby chick because they're fluffy and feel nice

[14] What would you like to get rid of?
10 pounds

[15] If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Egyptian pyramids, Swiss Alps

[16] Which language do you want to learn?
French and Latin

[17] What do you look for in a friend?
Someone interesting, genuine/ honest, loyal, and thoughtful who I have lots in common with and who understands me

[18] Who do you want to meet in person?
Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, David Lynch, Woody Allen, Roman Polanski, have a conversation with Julian Schnabel who I've seen at shows but never talked to, several dead people (the dead people are mostly women...ie Bette Davis & Grace Kelly and Bea Arthur (RIP!!) whereas the living are mostly men.)

[19] What’s your favorite type of music?
Dark and brooding and melodic

[20] What’s the favorite piece of clothing in your own closet?
Bag- Hermes Birkin for its quality and value and perfect style (has the ability to make even sweatpants look luxe)
Shoes- Chloe studded ankle boots for their quality, comfort and utter uniqueness
Clothing Item (This is REALLY difficult)- Derek Lam velvet robe coat for its utter luxeness (also has the ability to make even sweatpants look luxe) and its versatility.

[21] What is your dream job?
ACTOR !

[22] Any favorite models?
Amanda Moore (uhh..I'd like to meet her :)

[23] What would you mostly likely spend $100 on?
I'd spend it on a delicious dinner. Or spend it on choclates at Dean & Deluca

[24] What would you like an endless supply of?
Time and money, talent & sex & love

[25] Girl crush?
I hate that term- is that supposed to mean "platonic" or something? How lame. No, I'm sorry- the crushes I get on girls are not "girl crushes".

[26] Do you admire anyone’s style?
Lynn Yaeger, amongst countless others

[27] Describe your personal style
high end grunge, in a nutshell

2009-05-05T15:20:00.000-07:00

( i continue to write for an audience of silent strangers )

((WEARING))
Rick Owens top
Ivan Grundahl utilitarian dress with bubble hem

..yesterday's rehearsal was fun and included a delicious cup of mexican mocha latte and a lot of blushing. i need a definitive life change soon and it involves what i am doing with 75% of my waking day (work. i am not focusing on love or relationships or anything in which i would be responsible for anyone else's happiness but my own.) so given that, i have much thinking to do. or none at all. sometimes i believe it is better to dive in head first.

2009-05-04T16:48:00.000-07:00

The weekend was rather eventful. I took absolutely no photos of any of it, but did find these online. They are from an art gallery opening reception party I went to on Saturday night. The girl with the fur hat in the second photo approached me and complimented my shoes.
Prior to that I had rehearsal with an actor classmate of mine named Danny who just got through shooting a scene with Shannyn Sossamon for an indie film. He used to be a pro-skateboarder. He and I are now doing the love scene for my class because..oh...ADAM MOVED AWAY. He moved back home to San Diego. :(
After rehearsal but before the party, I had a day at the spa. It was wonderful and relaxing. SIGHHH.
And finally, after the reception, Laura and I went to a goth club at a beautiful venue and I danced a bit..but it was late & we were really hungry so we went to a late night restaurant (no, not a diner! plenty of that later) and had yummy brasilian food.
On Friday night we went to another gothic club in a very Asian area and I danced and danced and danced. There were masked people (it was a Victorian Ball) everywhere. I had some strange guy in what were essentially gothic clown shoes following me around and complimenting my dancing and asking me why I didn't smile for the camera when Laura and I had our pictures taken.
After hours we went to a diner and a nice young man bought our food for us.
On Sunday I had rehearsal and went to a mechanic to fix a flat

2009-04-29T15:00:00.000-07:00

((WEARING))
amazing black Ivan Grundahl hooded windbreaker. it's cut perfectly and the details are fierce. these photos are a shame.
:(
black swiss dot Ivan Grundahl tight pants/ leggings (again, beautiful detail not shown in these photos)
black cashmere Ivan Grundahl sweater dress (unfortunately you cannot see this very well)

fwendz :)

2009-04-28T13:11:00.001-07:00

Back from the Big Apple
New York was lunch at Pure Food and Wine with Julie (yum yum delicious raw foods) and a fabulous and funny burlesque show with Nikki and a group of her family and friends drinking pink champagne sex bombs and riding on the back of a Vespa with Jeremy through Central Park at 2am with the dew and the birds and the nothingness and speeding- it felt amazing...and Brooklyn gay clubs and having a hot girl touch me for twenty minutes haha and a fetish party in a dungeon with Angel and Jeremy and getting a free drink from the male gay bartender who almost made out with me when he asked what drink I wanted him to make me (Belvedere & tonic, in case you are wondering) and taking silly Macbook photos and meeting the bassist from Public Image Limited (PIL) and shopping with Sabina in Soho and walking around beautiful cobblestone streets in warm, delicious weather and shopping some more with my mother and spending time with her and being told "not to leave" by a thick German accent and Angel and the trannie in the red dress and the little jew in the chaps and watching really good porn like guys and waiting on the corner of Bowery and Broome at midnight with new friends. It was a lovely little vacation. I will post the loot later. For now you can see the new Anna Sui dress I bought. It's really pretty, though the photos are a bit blurry.

2009-04-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

JUST RICK OWENS (i'm still in james perse sweatpants that bunch up)

ps no more drain tube aka colostomy looking piss pouch thing BUT the damage is still there and will take a while to calm down.

also, this, my beauty routine:

beauty regime by word2moms on Polyvore.com

2009-04-20T14:40:00.000-07:00

wearing a Kiki de Montparnasse bed jacket and a Balenciaga top.
This weekend was watching Adam's Groundlings group perform at the Upright Citizen's Brigade, lunching and Eloise'ing around at the Chateau Marmont (where I text messgaed Dominique to tell her her godsister, Miss C. Diaz was there. ha), falling in love with a Norweigan's black dog, Old home movie documentary watching, the Fangoria Horror convention in Downtown, LA, fighting with Laura at the food court and some guy eavesdropping. When we got up to leave the table he looked at me and shook his head, amused, and I said, "Women, huh??" and he laughed.

i am my own lover

2009-04-20T11:54:00.000-07:00

i look around at couples and wonder how they found each other. most of them seem really boring to me, like people who have fused together out of loneliness and desperation and are stalling each other on that inevitable road to death. other times i wonder how even the simplest and plainest of people seem to have found intimate companionship. and then i wonder why i am so picky. is it because i am so particular that i am not one of these :"happy and fulfilled" people? am i too complex for a relationship? too convoluted, too introverted, too much of a saboteur?
i am so disappointed by most everyone who is interested in me as of late. i've been quite flattered and when approached i just feel numb. i look them over without excitement. i feel like everything would be settling.
conversely, the rare experiences in my life i've had where i was as gaga over the person as they of me, were worth every tear i've ever shed over those i offered my heart to who wouldn't take it.

2009-04-17T13:21:00.000-07:00

MY POUCH OF SEXY
wearing the same shit except a Vivienne Westwood sweater. It's one of my favourite sweaters ever made. It's got METALLIC threading all over.

2009-04-16T13:54:00.000-07:00

THE FIRST DAY I'VE FELT A LITTLE BETTER.

wearing a Bauhaus T-shirt w/ Bela Lugosi on it
James Perse sweatpants
Rachel Zoe cuff
Louis Vuitton cashmere stole
Black cashmere Juicy Couture hooded sweater wrapped around my hips to cover that atrocious piss-pouch attached to my knee.

In other news, I have a stalker. She's a lesbian from Finland with a passion for all things equestrian and she just moved to Los Angeles. Sounds dreamy right? She sends me poetry and sweet dreams text messages.
And I'm so cold and turned off I'm like "DUDE WHERE IS ALL THIS COMING FROM??"
Why are people so hard???? If only I could control everything and everyone the world would be a much better place.

2009-04-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

"Show Me Love"/ aka "Fucking Amal"
A Swedish "coming of age" film about two teenagers falling in love. It is so sweet and heartbreaking, and sometimes even funny. It's also a bit cheesey in its "My So-Called Life"- likeness at times but that is forgiven, and it's not the smoothest film, a la Hollywood, but that's what is so great about it. Much more personal and real (surprisingly true to life, actually). It makes you hate the town they live in about as much as the girls do, and just when you're at the brink of being frustrated and appalled at everyone, you still find yourself rooting for the two heroines.
An important film. I don't usually review films on here, but this one was special- I'd like to spread the word as it's pretty obscure.

2009-04-14T16:57:00.001-07:00

LAST NIGHT I WATCHED THIS
easily one of my top three favourite Lynch films EVER.

Saw these on another blog and reminded me of WILD AT HEART. Really fell hard for them. Called Barney's and they put them on hold for me. I have to come in and try them on and see how they look. They're no joke. They will either look terrible or AHHHHMMMAAZING.
I'm suspecting the latter.

2009-04-11T22:20:00.001-07:00

when it comes to cheering yourself up, resurrecting a 2004 cashmere FLESH/NUDE coloured Rick Owens wrap will do the trick. I like it worn alone over really sexy bras, or soft, sexy bodysuits or tops, like over this Kiki De Montparnasse top I'm eyeing:

A band T-shirt suffices as well.

Anyway, I've basically been dressed in pajamas and medical garb the past few days. I have a baggy attached to my pajama pants which is holding all the fluid that is passing through the tube connected to the inside of my knee. FUN!
Here are pictures:

Beautiful, huh? Aside from that I have been busy watching porn and documentaries and feeling ugly because of my health shit [shitty health] and friending Terry Richardson on Facebook.

2009-04-09T19:04:00.000-07:00

boredom at home = online shopping.
from Kiki De Montparnasse i purchased a black garter tank in XS and a pair of underwear:

from Agent Provocateur i purchased a bra and panty set & a small parfum:

and from net-a-porter i purchased Les Chiffoniers PVC leggings, two pairs of basic black mesh underwear by Cosabella, and a modal grey top by Splendid:

some basics, basically.
i'm also waiting for a Bauhaus t-shirt I bought on Ebay to arrive.

2009-04-08T13:49:00.001-07:00

monday night a severe shock of pain began shooting throughout my leg. on tuesday at the doctor's, i found out my knee has developed an infection.
we scheduled an emergency surgery for this morning; last night was spent "welcoming" the menstrual flow (the cherry on the cake), severe pain in the knee, diarrhea, fever and cold sweats, and dreading this morning.
this morning, i had surgery and broke down in tears on the operating table. they irrigated my leg with liquid antibiotics and i am taking them by mouth as well.
finally, surgery is over and i have a drain in my leg, collecting reddish bloody fluid. i'm on painkillers and feel cleaner, more relieved, and happier.
i may have to change my tickets to NYC for this weekend and reschedule for two weeks, as I can barely walk.

2009-04-06T13:05:00.000-07:00

((Wearing))
Prada white label sequin cardigan
Marni dress

I wore this dress recently and I'm wearing it again because it's one of those go-to items in my wardrobe that is as comfortable as a nightgown and i sorely needed "nightgown comfort" this morning because i felt like shit. (feeling better now) my back is sunburnt from being out and exploring the Thai New year festival yesterday.
Lately I feel as if I am an observer in the audience. Or, that I have a role but I don't like the character I am playing very much at all. I'm not used to this feeling anymore. I am watching others in their lives, and, although not more exciting than mine, per se, they seem more attached to their lot, more grounded in their journey's. I used to feel quite proud of everything that has happened to me and felt firmly inside of my skin. Now, I feel a bit lost again. secretive. too vulnerable. It's funny how certain comments & memories can reduce you to this state. i have succumbed & this will not do.

*my first instinct is to weigh 95 pounds. as if this would make life simpler. how am i ever going to get down to 95 pounds if it takes every ounce of my being to lose just 3 pounds? Anything over 10 pounds seems impossible. I don't think even starving would help because that would be maybe 10 pounds until I couldn't handle it anymore and would flip out. I want to be sylph-like and androgynous. I want to be peter murphy with cheekbones that jut out like razorblades.

2009-04-03T15:45:00.000-07:00

ALL THE VIEWS OF A MUSE

like my ghosty pictures?
((WEARING))
dress & slip by DEREK LAM
belt by HERMES

i got some shitty news today, which I won't get into. & last night was so weird. Adam really upset me in terms of our scene. But when we actually read our scene onstage I loved doing it- It felt so good to do. I can't believe he's leaving town...I will miss him, as confusing as he is & all.

I'm going to be in New York City next weekend. I really need to get away from this place where the stench of rejection & disappointment permeates through the air. i have a feeling that with the winds it shall pass.

2009-04-02T13:53:00.001-07:00

((wearing))
kiki de montparnasse black chiffon top
missoni lurex gray coat
leopard stephen sprouse louis vuitton scarf
chocolate leopard velvet marc jacobs collection skirt
rachel zoe cuff
david yurman diamond & onyx ring

last night i saw THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT
i was so looking forward to this film. it was NOT scary. it wasn't awful, but it wasn't a good horror flick either. disappointed!!
MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN was the last new, good horror flick i've seen.

2009-04-01T14:39:00.000-07:00

((WEARING))
Ivan Grundahl dress
Rachel Zoe cuff
Agent Provocateur "Maschina" bra (barbed wire)
PSST: don't mind my nipples. these photos in the bra make them look bigger and weirder than they are. it's an optical illusion, haha

2009-04-01T00:58:00.001-07:00

BLACK & NUDE BRA & GARTER BRIEFS BY AGENT PROVCATEUR

BLACK LEATHER CORSET BONDAGE BELT W/ BUCKLES BY KIKI DE MONTPARNASSE

MISSONI LUREX COAT (ACTUAL COLOUR IS DARK GREY W/ ELECTRIC BLUE TRIM- LOOKS MUCH, MUCH BETTER ON!!)

2009-03-30T11:55:00.001-07:00

this weekend i purchased a charity bracelet/cuff by Rachel Zoe and I think it's fucking fantastic. All proceeds go to the ovarian cancer alliance and i love that my friends at Decades Two are hosting this event because....
it also gave me a chance to raid the rest of the store and I came out with a gorgeous Missoni coat that's light enough for spring. (pictures later. it's in my closet right now and i'm at work)
afterwards, Laura & I went next door to my favourite lingerie shop, Kiki de Montparnasse, and I bought an expensive leather corset bondage belt. (pictures later. & i cannot find the belt on their website, unfortunately) anyway, it's HOT. its as hot as the bondage bra Laura tried on [& looked even hhhoooootttterrrr in]

after shopping, we went out to dinner with Adam to a cute restaurant on Melrose i dubbed "the BLACK restaurant" and then rented movies and went back to Adam's place to watch them.

rewind to saturday...at night it was Hannah & Landon's bye bye party in Pasadena. there were moments when i felt very WONDER YEARS. oldies music was spinning on the turntable (hoorah for real turbtables and not DJ'ing on a Macbook Pro) and after Wandie sufficiently made fun of me about something from a year ago, she tried to get Laura and I to slow dance. then i took my blue spiked punch (mouthwash & coconuts aren't bad) and went out in the backyard and sat on the swing couch on the lawn. i looked up past the tiki and string lawn lights and saw Laura walking over. we sat and talked about the garage and she tried a sip of my punch.

a sweet girl at the party recognized me from this very blog and complimented me. and while i was grabbing some food at the table and had my back facing him, some guy taps me on the shoulder and says "BOBBY??!". I turned around and he was shocked to see that I was no Bobby. HAHAH i thought it was funny.

so, saturday night it was all 1969 and shit. we even sat around watching vintage porn. which, i guess if it really had been 1969, would've been "modern".

i'm going to miss the Metz's :( hope to party with them again tonight!!

2009-03-28T03:10:00.000-07:00

"THEY CALL THIS A LETTER TO LAURA V."

2009-03-28T02:44:00.000-07:00

THE TRANSFORMATION OF LAURA

2009-03-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

†Last night's acting class was rather eventful.
I had a "workout" with Adam, whose birthday it was, and expended energy. I enjoyed the honesty flowing between us and being open with my feelings in the moment. So grateful to experience that as a human being and even moreso as an actor, because it's so real it is heightened living and no longer performing. I love the alchemy and concentration.
(i bow to †hee)

†Laura sat in on the class with me and saw Bill (whom I lovingly refer to as David Carradine) throw a fit and walk out of class [and not come back], Matt the pretty boy take off his clothes on the stage & Bill ask him to explain his "weird streak", Scott [Joaquin Pheonix's twin & Bill's assistant teacher] talk about taking goat-fucking seriously, Danny the ex pro-skateboard champion & drug guru recite Shakespeare in his streets of new york english, etc. etc. i love them all. how can i not? none are who they seem.

†This morning my heart beat fast and heavy.

2009-03-26T12:31:00.000-07:00

saw TRICKY perform last night. It was an ahhmazing show. the opening band, WE ARE THE WORLD was insane- LOVED THEM. first of all, they looked like if a burn victim unit started a band and went on safari. second of all, the music itself and the way they danced to the music was fucking awesome.
TRICKY was just precious. what a sexy show. i think that's the best description for it. perhaps one day i will elaborate on what i perceive to be sexy, since i use the term to cover a broad spectrum of things, from cars to people. but for now SEXY will suffice.
speaking of, i've found my favourite LEGENDARY PINK DOTS song on myspace of all places. go listen to it:
THE BLESSING.
i listen to it on repeat x1000.

2009-03-25T12:07:00.001-07:00

HARLEM HARLEM HARLEM HARLOT

the thing about me is that i'm sort of unpredictable. but i'm also fiercely loyal to what i love.

i want to matter. everything matters just a little bit.
i'm fucking exhausted.

2009-03-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

i wrote a secret on a paper napkin at a restuarant in los feliz last night.
& then hid it.

i've been having some panic attacks lately. some really mild, like last night in a small bookstore while looking at julian schnabel's art. i felt my heart begin to beat faster and that familiar feeling of prickling heat on my skin.

((wearing))
rick owens top
dries van noten silk & embroidered dress
missoni wool scarf
ski pants
thomas wylde leather boots

2009-03-23T23:28:00.000-07:00

BLACKS & WHITES

PHOTOS OF THE BEAUTIFUL LAURA

& ONE OF ME IN BLACK & WHITE FOR KICKS

ps we bought black toilet paper today

2009-03-23T15:44:00.001-07:00

more dumb pictures for your viewing [dis]pleasure

((WEARING))
proenza schouler cardigan dress, worn over a
balenciaga dress, worn over a
marni dress
ski pants
thomas wylde boots

last night i watched the most disturbing REAL video of a man being stabbed during sex by another man (who hid the knife in his rectum). i had my hand clasped over my mouth the entire time.

2009-03-18T13:04:00.001-07:00

((WEARING))
black ruched Lanvin dress
ski pants
Prada white label sweater
Thomas Wylde leather boots

sometimes i look a little frightening

or like i hate you

so, basically my life since i came back from Florida a little over a week ago has been occupied with rehearsing/ acting class, being late for work all the time, LA nightlife, and Laura. All subjects are kind of loaded. Where shall I begin?

Acting: Channeling this much anger into my scene and keeping that energy level up for the entire duration has proved challenging. But I really love doing it. I want to rehearse it over & over & over until I puke.
Bill has asked me to start reading the part of the Madame Goldie in a play about a brothel by Tennessee Williams called Hello From Bertha.

LA Nightlife: We went out pretty much every night last week, including the same "secret" nightclub 3x. Wandie, Laura, and I were there one night when a Wu Tang member was hanging out and broke out in impromptu rap, followed by a bunch of white hipster guys rapping Wu songs. That was so fun, i enjoyed dancing to it. i got quite drunk (or "smashed" as they say in Australia, apparently ). Friday night we went to a gothic soiree and Laura and I spent a good hour talking to some fetish photographer and some i guess famous fetish model. We also talked to clowns with voices like Beetlejuice. i loved them, especially the purple haired one.
The next night we went to a 70s porno screening presented by an actor from the original Last House On The Left. The porno was really funny. So were his stories about fucking a bum.
On Sunday we went to the Getty (and kind of hiked :) and then to the Museum of Death which was absolutely creepy and amazing.
Last night we went to a late screening of the new Last House On The Left after eating at one of my favourite french restaurants. The movie was pretty decent.

2009-03-17T15:07:00.000-07:00

I GUESS IT DOESN'T MATTER

((WEARING))
Marc Jacobs Collection chocolate leopard velvet skirt
Ski Pants
Thomas Wylde leather boots
Laura's Bauhaus shirt
Prada white label cardigan

2009-03-10T11:36:00.000-07:00

back from my trip; i don't really know how to relay the experience. it was beautiful and quiet and lovely and also a bit of a rollercoaster ride emotionally speaking. alligators, shitty roadside motels with sex noises and broken bathrooms, serpent tattoos, one-eyed jack's pirate bars, backwoods redneck creepy wooden creaking screen door bars, swampland & marshland, spider monkeys and mud bathing rhinos, renegade ranch break-in's to mugshot with some cows, a lovely birthday filled with many happy wishes and good company & lobstah by the C, television marathons, clove smoke by the penis shaped pool, a long long trip back home...

basically, before i explain some things i just want to say that i am still kind of spaced out from this trip in that i don't feel at all focused at work nor do i feel focused in acting. the acting is vitally important for me and i need to drastically zone in there. i wish i could shake everything off like a wet dog shakes its fur and just focus. it's memorizing this damn wordy script that is killing me!!!

.....we began our roadtrip on wednesday evening and were on the road for around 6 hours. then laura got sick, puked, we slept over in a motel, and we had to turn around and go back to her mom's house. we never made it out of florida and instead bought tickets for all of us to go back to LA, leaving sunday. so we wound up spending the week in florida. it was a small town and reminded me much of upstate ny, louisianna, and connecticut. it was most definitely an experience and i kind of didn't actually even want to leave. it also helps that laura's mom is awesome.

.....sunday night we flew into LA and went over to nicolette's parent's house to watch the l word series finale together. it was so good to see nikki, as always. i wish i could keep a duplicate of her in my house haha :)

yesterday i blew off work and i didn't go to class because my partner amy was in kentucky at her aunt's funeral. instead i spent the day near the beach with laura. i dragged her to juliano's raw and the arcade and at laura's request to find a pillow, we went to ikea and i bought purple bed sheets and a bathmat which actually made me really happy haha.
that night wandie, who i really missed, came over and brought wine. we all went out to the *secret* club which is not-so-secret anymore and was infested with crappy people whose music tastes dictated what the dj was spinning. so disappointing!! but we're trying again in a few days...
we left early-ish, at around 1:30am, and went back to the apartment for chocolate mate tea.

2009-03-03T15:24:00.000-08:00

DAYLIGHT COME & I WANNA GO HOOOOOME

HAHAHA

((WEARING))
SKI PANTS
CHLOE BOOTS
MARC JACOBS COLLECTION DRESS
CHANEL BROOCH
ARM BANDS
BAG BY LOUIS VUITTON

2009-03-02T10:47:00.000-08:00

((WEARING))
Balenciaga dress worn over tuxedo tight pants by The Row & an Ann Demeulemeester shrug. Lipstick & eyeshadow by Serge Lutens
__________________________
where is my awful fucking period already?
ive been in bed mostly recuperating from knee surgery I had on Wednesday.
im feeling a little blue. there's really nothing to say about it. let's just say im looking at the world through gray tinted glasses rather than my usual rose. i'll end the whiney ranting there, as it summarizes everything.

i watched a dvd of MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN yesterday. what a great little horror flick.

THE 2 B'S

2009-03-01T10:49:00.000-08:00

NEW BLACK HAIR

(i think this photo better illustrates the real contrast between the eyes and new hair and my skin. the original was in really bad lighting.)

SO BLACK, SO GREEN, SO PALE. LOVE IT!!

NEW BALENCIAGA DRESS (S/S '09)

(obviously these do the dress no justice. looks soooo crappy)

SORRY FOR THE CRAPPY PICTURES. MORE TO COME SOON..

DOMINIQUE @ BARNEY'S GREENGRASS HAVING LUNCH WITH ME BEFORE I WENT SHOPPING

2009-02-28T11:16:00.000-08:00

THE DAY OF THE LOCUSTS

today i'm going BLACK

ciao

2009-02-26T12:51:00.001-08:00

Trompe L'oeil Trocadero runway bag by Louis Vuitton (its velvety trimmed with alligator skin and swarovski crystals and the softest interior leather & heavy brass hardware)

it's been quite nice making the transition to a high protein diet. i had no idea how much sugar i had been eating before; even natural sugars like honey and fruit are damaging in abundance. i look at everything differently now. one thing i've found that is delicious is yerba mate tea in "mate chocolatte". absolutely healthy & delicious! about twice a week, i have been munching on tiny pieces of organic dark chocolate infused with nutrients from some mysterious label that was actually gifted to me at barneys. also buying lots of *tamarind raw almonds, low fat cottage cheese, lump blue crab, & lean turkey and chicken breast slices.

on painkillers post DR.

2009-02-25T23:15:00.001-08:00

2009-02-25T14:17:00.000-08:00

((wearing Comme Des Garcons & Marc Jacobs Collection))

((not eating DONUTS @ work))

it was so good to see Micah yesterday & to meet his really sweet friend, Matt.
there was this really amazing fog at the Santa Monica piers late last night. We walked to the edge of the boardwalk and everything surrounding us was darkness. The ocean was pitch black. It was so strange, like being inside a black box. It was like some creepy pirate scene mixed in with Sherlock Holmes and the City of Lost Children. The darkness was only interspersed with Ferris wheel lights and Japanese hipsters/ Mexican men fishing at midnight. Fish guts were everywhere. This one woman yelled out, "damn it smells like pussy on a plate up in here."
Micah and I were like, "whose pussy have you been smelling?"

Afterward, we went to a pretty little cafe open late, late, late and had good, funny conversation.
I want to go visit Micah and his new place in San Francisco one weekend very soon. I NEED TO SEE SF~~ also, i've missed Micah, my Russian comrade. <3

This morning a photographer approached me in my building at work and asked to do a shoot with me on Saturday, March 21st. She said she sees me in the building sometimes and has always wanted to ask to take my picture. Pretty nice thing to hear on your way to buying a skinny non-fat vanilla latte.

I'm so glad I went out last night, even though I worked all day then went to rehearse at the studio with Amy. For fun, I tried doing my scene as Bette Davis.

boy, girl, boy

2009-02-22T22:14:00.001-08:00

my weekend was pretty relaxing. on saturday i had rehearsal with my new scene partner, Amy. My new character is really interesting. She's an actress on her way down, competing with this other, younger actress who is on her way up. The entire scene is filled with land mines; I came to many epiphanies about each line during rehearsal. Every word uttered in this scene is about power exchange. Every moment that one of them isn't up, then one of them is down. There is no indifference or calm in this scene at all. They are highly competitive and it seems like everything is at stake for them with every exchange of words. Like all their self-esteem lies in convincing the other person they are top dog.
I admit that I can relate. I used to be this kind of person.

After rehearsal, Amy and i went shopping a bit. I bought a beautiful vintage Chanel belt. Heavy heavy chain link that shines like brand new jewelry. And on Friday a new Missoni shawl in a blue colourway that goes really well with my new hair colour.

I saw Madea Goes To Jail on Saturday night. It was pretty cheesy and only became funny when they were all in prison together. The greatest part were two previews. One for a film whose title I must've missed- it is based on a novel called Push starring a character named Precious. It looks SO SO good. and the other for the horror film The Haunting In Connecticut. I nearly peed. I fucking LOVE a good horror flick.

Today was spent doing nothing but relaxing. i did go to the "International House of Pancakes" with Dominique and Zachary this morning. I had egg whites. I've been on an all protein diet for the past two days, to rev up my metabolism. It will only last about 3-5 days, after which i go back to incorporating flaxseed and veggies. Saturday morning my masseuse recommended I do this as I was complaining to her about my water retention. So no more syrup-y post massage latte for me. I walked right by Le Pain Quotidian that morning and grumbled.

2009-02-22T12:42:00.000-08:00

I bought this vintage Chanel belt at Decades yesterday. It was just shy of costing 4 figures. I was really, really surprised by that price (I thought it would be more like $400 or $500). But it's kind of a perfect belt and shines like jewelry. And I love them at Decades. I also purchased a Missoni shawl on a whim at Nordstrom of Friday.

2009-02-20T11:54:00.001-08:00

grumpy mcgrouch bedhead

i have failed to do justice to these leggings once again [the detail is ahhhmazing]

another mini-picture i had to resize which came out super grainy

BUT
((wearing))
Chloe cotes de sole brodees leggings & Chloe top
Chanel flats & brooch
Prada white label cardigan
snake bracelet from the MET
Bing Bang necklace

************
i just ran into Bill, my acting teacher at work! small little actors world!! haha :) what a pleasant surprise!

2009-02-19T10:44:00.000-08:00

((WEARING))
cashmere dress and leather studded boots by Chloe
bi-colour cuff and bi-colour tights by Chanel
lipstick by Serge Lutens

********************
edit:
"Fashionista" Survey

From Hannah @ aestheticfeast

Describe your personal style?
punk aristocracy/ french street urchin/ pierrot doll/ androgyne sex blade runner gothic hippie royalty

What are the staples in your wardrobe?
Rick Owens, Chanel tweed coat, Thomas Wylde motorcycle boots, practically everything

What's your signature look?
See above "personal style"

What inspires you most?
sex and life

Who is your fashion muse?
everyone from my kindred spirit, Lynn Yaeger to imaginaries & ghosts

Favorite purchase of all time?
I ADORE every.single. Prada item I own.

Biggest splurge?
the Birkin

What's your beauty routine?
cle de peau cleanser and la creme face cream/ cle de peau foundation (sometimes) and mascara and eyeliner/ serge lutens eyeshadow[s] and lipstick [or nars]/ kerastase hair products/ molton brown or fresh or philosophy for body wash and soap and shampoo/conditioner

What jewelry do you never take off?
Tiffany diamond ring and studs

What are you wishing for?
that the boots I want will finally be in stock in my size!

What are your obsessions?
the perfect boot, the perfect blazer, the perfect pant, the perfect jean, MISSONI, saddle brown Hermes, my hair!

2009-02-18T10:56:00.000-08:00

(this picture was so tiny i had to resize it and it came out really grainy. sorry!)
safety pin sweater by Comme des Garcons
(the safety pins are on the back. it's very sally from nightmare before christmas. and i love the honey colour of the sweater)
the sartorial socks are by Antipast, purchased at Barney's.

show pony

2009-02-17T11:48:00.000-08:00

i promise this will stop soon. haha

((wearing// what's shown))
missoni scarf
marc jacobs collection top
ann demeulemeester ballet shrug
snake bracelet
______________________________
i'm doing another scene. this time my partner is Amy. i'm excited to work with her!! initially, when i got the new script, i hated the scene and thought it was really verbose and boring. we decided to take a stab at a table read anyway, and i found myself liking it and getting really into it despite myself. i actually recall getting hyped up and making a conscious effort to tone it down because i didn't want Bill to see that i liked it and related to it when i had just finished telling him i didn't feel a thing for it. haha. what a stubborn asshole i am.
anyway, he liked the read but Amy suggested we give Four Dogs and a Bone by John Patrick Shanley a stab.
you know what is really nice, is that Adam is a supportive actor friend. he has suprised me with his friendship quite a bit lately. he will wait around to watch me perform even though others, including Amber, have long gone home. he will ask Bill to let me read things he thinks will be good for me to read. it's nice to have a friend root for you. i do the same for him.

2009-02-17T01:23:00.001-08:00

finally, that sonia rykiel dress

hello, boy in make-up making weird pouty face

part of stage at the theatre/ acting studio (where the magic happens)

some of the items i'm excited to use!

2009-02-16T16:09:00.000-08:00

my new favourite:

frederic malle parfum:

(this scent is an homage to fresh forests after rainfall. it's woodsy and earthy and extremely sexual, in my opinion. i would say this scent is unisex, though bordering on more masculine than feminine. it's refreshing and nostalgic and really, really sexy.)
Vétiver Extraordinaire
Highly unusual with its overdose of Vetiver (about 25 percent), VETIVER EXTRAORDINAIRE has sparked new enthusiasm for this classic men's fragrance category. Dominique Ropion introduces a new essence of Vetiver, stripped of its bitter edge, which he matches with five woody notes to play up the scent's various facets. The result is something surprisingly fresh and crisp.

Its creator: Dominique Ropion

and

(an extremely feminine scent with raw sexual undertones. heady and intoxicating and rich.)
Une Rose
The intoxicating, earthy aroma of a garden rose pulled from the ground with its roots - that's "UNE ROSE". Edouard Fléchier marries the voluptuousness of the flower to the carnal depth of a new truffle accord laced with woody and animal notes. A fruit and honey burst of Turkish rose absolute is punctuated with geranium and wine dregs. Une Rose - the master's rose.

Its creator: Edouard Fléchier

each bottle of parfum runs from $165-$300 depending on the ingredients used and the size, and bespoke parfum is available as well.

new favourite lipstick: serge lutens' latest (limited edition?) colour:..the deepest richest rouge. the lipstick is tiny and expensive but its perfect.

new favourite bodywash: fresh's fig& apricot.

some other loves: cle de peau's cream eyeliner & serge lutens' quadruple eyeshadow
all available at barneys

2009-02-16T00:37:00.000-08:00

new hair!

Birkin bag by Hermès
Dress by Rick Owens
Tights by Chloe
Top by Rick Owens
Black cashmere sweater layered over by Oscar de la Renta
Boots by Thomas Wylde
Fur Jacket by Helmut Lang
Belt by Louis Vuitton

For Valentines Day, I bought tons of amazing Serge Lutens makeup, two different parfums by Frederic Malle and lots more! it was a very pricey stop at the beauty department at Barney's, but well worth it.

2009-02-13T12:08:00.000-08:00

arm bands & Agent Provocateur bra
Balenciaga top
J Brand jeans
Etro scarf

2009-02-10T12:00:00.000-08:00

((TODAY'S OUTFIT))
Rick Owens v-neck top
Jil Sander black sack dress (it is an expensive dress and looks plain in photos but the tailoring is amazing, the way it hangs is genius, and the detail is brilliant- so it was worth it!)
ski pants
Chloe boots (not shown)
leopard stephen sprouse scarf/shawl by Louis Vuitton
croc collier de chien cuff by Hermes

2009-02-09T09:56:00.000-08:00

((TODAY'S OUTFIT))
sparkly poufy flouncy skirt by Miu Miu
asymetrical top by Rick Owens
nude sparkly chiffon vest by Twelfth Street by Cynthia Vincent
boots by Thomas Wylde
ski pants
snake bracelet from the MET

silly faces by me

2009-02-08T22:20:00.000-08:00

VENICE BEACH

2009-02-05T13:06:00.001-08:00

((RAINY LA DAZE))
pink bra strap! agent provocateur bra
mohair knit sweater and black skin tight top underneath both by Rick Owens
black satin and fine cotton tuxedo skinny pants by The Row
headband worn as necklace by Chanel
snake bracelet
suede pirate boots by Vivienne Westwood
_______________________________________________________

last night's acting class was pretty amazing! i was consitently present and well prepared emotionally every time i went on stage (which was three times). we are switching our schedule around so i have a full class again tonight.

i read this spoon river last night. it was my first reading of this one but i was sobbing so much it was hard to compose myself.

(i should preface this by stating that the woman speaking is dead.)

MY name used to be in the papers daily
As having dined somewhere,
Or traveled somewhere,
Or rented a house in Paris,
Where I entertained the nobility.
I was forever eating or traveling,
Or taking the cure at Baden-Baden.
Now I am here to do honor
To Spoon River, here beside the family whence I sprang.
No one cares now where I dined,
Or lived, or whom I entertained,
Or how often I took the cure at Baden-Baden.

2009-02-04T13:13:00.000-08:00

last night @ barnes & noble my dear friend took this photo of me by a clint eastwood book. the photo came out blurry and alien-bright intense (and i confess to turning up the notch a bit on the "colours" tab in flickr) but nonetheless, i like it. because it's cheery. and i am cheery. and i am proud that no matter how shitty my day i not only survive it but i quickly wipe the dust away and march on, not jaded, no less enthusiastic for living, still smiling, not even realizing how shitty some shitty shit is. there is too much fun to be had.

no fuss, no muss...a Valentine's Day ode to clothes

2009-02-03T19:31:00.000-08:00

i LOVE clothes. i love feeling the different fine textures against my body. i love that i lay on my bed as i type this, and am wearing a finely tailored and intrinsically detailed black cashmere Prada cardigan over a silver flecked nude & black lace Marc Jacobs top and chiffon Marc Jacobs skirt, black wool legwarmers from Capezio, Wolford opaque tights, and the tiniest most graceful pair of beige and black cap toe Chanel ballet flats. i love wearing a black leather with gold hardware Hermes collier de chien cuff next to an Egyptian gold snake bracelet from the Metropolitan Museum of Art. i know what it's like to wear sweats and this isn't it. i feel different in my real wardrobe. everything is a work of art- from the dirty raw sequins of my Chloe jacket that hangs off my body like i'm Mick Jagger circa 1969, to the Sonia Rykiel Mongolian fur vest that reminds me not to take life so seriously. When i wear my Chloe studded ankle boots i am channeling my glamorous cowboy- a bit rough and tumble but not without a distinct pseudo-gothic sensibility, i feel officially cool in my tweed Balenciaga jacket and officially Great Gatsby in a tweed Chanel jacket. or when I wear the latest Marni sky high platform heels in my closet...what could be more fashionably sex on a stick?
although my wardrobe is well stocked and i am not wanting for anything, i am still always on the lookout for good staple pieces. my idea of staples may vary from the traditional set, but in my opinion, the following items will be making it into my closet quickly. they are no fuss, no muss in my opinion- pieces i will buy and have for as long as they'll have me. this is by no means a complete list, but i think it's long enough for now.

sofia coppola for louis vuitton. these two little clutches (in black suede and in original monogram) are adorable collector's items and very useful. i happen to be one of the few fans of the classic monogram print (i don't focus on the mall rats and uninspired soccer moms, i channel audrey hepburn circa the 1960s), and i also like the classic suede which i think makes the bag even more sophisticated.

vivienne westwood's statement making ankle canvas & leather pirate boot with her signature paw toe is a classic. i particularly enjoy this bi-colour combination and i think they make an outfit.

stella mccartney's very basic black lingerie is both smart and sexy. rather than decadent kiki de montparnasse or la perla, rather than quirky agent provocateur, rather than eres or going super girly, i think these basics are keepers without all the extra frills.

this list is something i've compiled to remind me what to buy this week (sofia for lv whenever it comes out. march, i think!) next month is my birthday and i will post a whole separate wishlist for that! it will likely be quite short and quite expensive!!

2009-02-02T10:51:00.000-08:00

i had a rock star weekend that included:
nightclubs
having 2-3 hours of sleep
drinking
sexy times
dancing on stages
breathing new york air [this is its own category & fit for poetry]
mammoth steamed lobsters & gourmet chocolate & wild berries
friends & love
trashy daze
egyptian gold plated snake bracelets from the MET
twinkling city lights
empty midtown streets at 7am
upper east side brunch before the airport

back in LA now.

2009-01-30T08:53:00.000-08:00

i have some free time at the office here in New York so I figured I'd update because I'm bored and i DO NOT WANT bagels! ((distraction, please))

flew into new york yesterday. met up with sabina and eddie first because they are going to philadelphia this weekend and it was the only time i could see them. we had dinner. i was really grouchy and sort of a bitch at first but i really started to appreciate being around them and their kindness. :(

i hope sabina doesn't mind this photo...

the view this morning: